I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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