So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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