Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
