Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
