According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
