Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
