I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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