I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
