I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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