It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
