I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
