he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
