just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
