I bet he comes in French.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
