You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
