Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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