you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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