So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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