I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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