I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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