Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
