The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
