Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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