So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
