he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
