just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
