Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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