he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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