dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
