you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
