My hand turned me down
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
