Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
