I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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