He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she woke up with a sticky ear
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
