Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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