my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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