How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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