Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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