Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
