so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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