I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
