allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
