Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
