NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
