i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
