Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The Olympian is in my bed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
