dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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