remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
