"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
