I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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