New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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