I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
