Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
